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Get Back

When it comes to reviewing the ominous side of owning our particular condo on the beach, there were only two events in 12 years that were worth noting. The first one was waking up to the disaster on the morning of nine-eleven. The only other negative experience happened within the first year.

That November I decided to go to the condo by myself. I was planning on doing a little late season albacore fishing and otherwise just loafing.The first issue was the transportation.

My friend Bob had a left over one-way airline ticket that was nearing an expiration date and Bob agreed to sell me his ticket for half price. The airlines had not yet been through the nine-eleven experience so their procedures were much looser. But there were still Federal aviation laws and the ticket was not supposed to be transferable, so our secret little plan needed to be kept to ourselves.

So we went to the airport together and Bob checked in as if he was the person traveling. They took my bag without any hesitation. After Bob got his boarding pass, we went around the corner and he handed it to me. From there, I just got on the plane, as Bob, and it seemed like our plan was going to work just fine. Then, just as I was sliding into my seat, an unexpected bummer visited me.

You may have heard the term" ruptured disc" or "herniated disc" or "bulging disc" but no matter what you call it, the pain is incredible. That was the first time it had ever happened to me. If I wasn’t pretending to be Bob, I would have gotten off the plane right then. But, then I remembered that issue about my bag. If I got off the plane they would later have to return the luggage but it was labeled with my name rather than Bob’s name. I wasn’t sure if I had broken any laws or if my arrangement with Bob was just a matter of harmlessly misleading the specific airline. I didn’t want to have to explain myself. As painful as it was, I forced myself to sit down in Bob’s assigned seat.

If you ever knew anybody with a ruptured disc, you know that the best way to relieve the pain is to lay down and take the pressure off of it. Nobody would recommend sitting upright in an uncomfortable airline seat. The thrust of the plane during take-off forced me back into the seat and the pain intensified. Once the plane was in the air I asked the other guy who was in my row with me if he would move to some other seat on the plane so that I could lay down across the three seats in my row. He agreed and I was able to release some of the pressure as I sprawled out the best I could, but it was still very uncomfortable, laying there like a wounded beached whale.

When the plane landed I waddled to the baggage area and asked a younger fellow to grab my bag off the carousel and I felt some mental relief because I had successfully eliminated any risk of getting caught misleading the airline; but my problems were just beginning. I still did not know that I had a ruptured disc, let alone what to do about it. I didn’t know if a day’s rest was all I needed or what I should do. I decided to try to get to the condo and see if the problem would just go away with a little rest.

I usually took a shuttle from the airport to the condo, but they stop at quite a few places along the way so I dragged myself to the taxi area knowing it was going to cost a small fortune to take a 25 mile ride. Once we arrived at the condo, the meter said I owed the driver $75. I gave him $100, 3 times the cost of the shuttle service.

Inside, I should have iced the back to cut the swelling but I never even thought of it. I just laid on the couch and hoped for a speedy recovery. It would be several more days before I felt like getting off the couch. In the interim, other complications were about to take over.

Somewhere along the way, perhaps from laying down in the airplane or taxi, I got a cold. My nose became a faucet, making rest very elusive. Getting off the couch was painful and countless trips to the bathroom to blow my nose was too much for the pipes. The toilet clogged and it would not clear on its own. Fortunately, we have a second bathroom so I used it for the next couple of days, but I disposed all additional Kleenex in a trash can after that.

After several days I was still very sore, but I thought I might be able to make it the hardware store to get a plunger. At the time, we kept an economy car at the property and I soon discovered that getting in and out of the tiny vehicle was very painful; however, I could not lay on a couch, sniffling, forever. I decided to tough it out.

When I came out of the hardware store I noticed one of the tires on the little car was completely flat. I know not to drive on a flat tire, but the swelling and pain in my back were still severe enough that I was not about to climb around in the trunk to pull out the jack and tire, let alone operate a jack to lift the car.

I knew of a tire repair shop about 5 miles away, so I decided to drive on the flat tire and rim, knowing full well that I would have to buy a whole new tire. I am wrong lots of times, but not that time. The tire was destroyed and needed to be replaced. Eventually I got back to the condo and quickly fixed the stool . At least I did not need to call a plumber.

The disc that caused all the problems is known as L3. It is in the loser back. It ruptured quite a few times after that and eventually a surgeon removed most of it. That helped quite a bit but I still wrestle with my back nearly every day.

That whole episode certainly adds up to one giant bummer, but when we compare it to all of the pleasure that the condo has given us, along with hundreds of other people, it is a price I am willing to pay.