Lately, I have been reliving some of the exciting details of my early love-life. So far, we have sweated through the uncontrolled passion of my encounters with Claudia and Semadar (scroll down to read those articles).
Fortunately, I have been able to keep the sordid stories from my naive and vulnerable wife, but it has been quite challenging. I am not so sure she could handle the mountain of stress, knowing that the man she has been living with for all of these years was once an unmatched Globetrotter of Love. That was my SLBP (Secret Life Before Patty). But, as I see it, I have an absolute obligation to share the red-hot details with my readers, no matter how damning the truth might be. The greater good must prevail. So, now that we have that out of the way, let me tell you about Doreen.
Doreen and I were essentially forced together by fate. Apparently, our parents had one of those prearranged agreements in place. In fact, they didn’t make any attempt to hide their nefarious objectives. They bought homes on the same block, just a few doors apart which enabled nature’s hot juices to take over from there: And, did they ever!!!
It all happened in an old shed in our back yard that must have been left abandoned just for our benefit. It was my very first real kiss of a real girl. It was 2 months before my 9th birthday.
One day, Doreen wandered over to my home as she did several times before. Eventually, we found ourselves inside that shed. Just when my defenses were down, the scheming and sensuous young vixen introduced the topic of “kissing”. I must admit I had not given it any thought prior to that, but being the irresistible hunk that I was, I should have known it was inevitable.
As the event approached, she revealed an even deeper and secret objective. “Let’s kiss like movie stars” she requested. Apparently she had been paying attention to things like that, but I wasn’t exactly sure what distinguished movie star kisses from my own lip-locking techniques. I quickly recalled the several times I had secretly kissed the mirror in the bathroom, just to see what I looked like when I puckered up. As I thought about it, it was clear I was up to the task. The truth is, I probably would have been willing to kiss "like chainsaws" if that was what she wanted.
Eventually, we eased into position, then closer, then to the inevitable point of no return. She reached out her arms, obviously longing for my gentle touch. I played it cool, just like I thought any big-shot movie star would do. But, my suave and debonair demeanor was hopelessly irresistible. Her trembling arms strengthened as she pulled me closer. I puckered up to the point that my luscious lips resembled a woodpecker’s beak sucking on a lemon, - just like my mirror buddy’s did. I was ready to give her the thrill of her life.
Then she closed her eyes and dived into the sugary-sweet lip dessert that I had waiting for her. If you are wondering how I know her eyes were closed, it is because mine were wide open, and roughly the size of baseballs. In my quest to fulfill her deep-rooted fantasy, I emulated a movie star by rotating my head in large clockwise circles at roughly the same speed as a wheel on a dragster at the finish line. She didn’t seem to mind the obvious fact that our noses kept crashing into each other as the lightning-fast circles were completed.
Around and around I went, with puckered up woodpecker lips and wide-open eyes, just like the movie stars do it. Eventually, just before she nearly fainted with excitement, it was over. The whole thing lasted about 5 seconds, but the memory of kissing “on the big screen” will last me forever.
If you are a woman, I will understand if you have to run and get a glass of ice-cold water now to cool down a bit. If you are a fellow, I pity you for your inability to compete with my awesome amorous adventures. Here’s a special hint for you: Get a mirror.
Be sure to visit my other blog.
Contrary to what you might think, I am quite the lover-boy with a significant list of conquests. As sleazy as it is, I have decided that I have protected the innocence of my love partners for long enough, so I am converting some of this blog into an exciting “Tell All” trip down memory lane and I don’t care whose image is tarnished in the process. My first love was Claudia. To read about the long-lasting and powerful impression I left upon her, simply scroll down a bit. But get some ice cubes your ears might sizzle from the white-hot details.
Semadar was the second woman to earn my affection. She was the first “older” woman that I allowed into my inner circle. She was 24-years old at the time: standing 5’ 8” and hosting the body of a Goddess. She was a bit more experienced than I was, but I was more than willing to sample her wears. One weekend we “got together” EIGHT times in a marathon of mad passion.
I was not the first fellow to observe Semadar’s incredible natural beauty. The legendary movie director Cecil B. DeMille saw it well before I did. In fact, she had a different name when DeMille met her. In those days, she was known as Angela Lansbury.
In 1949, Demille took on a new movie called Samson and Delilah. It was a story right out of the book of Judges in the Bible. In it, a strong man (Samson) defeats an entire army using only the jawbone of an ass as a weapon. One of the local kings wanted to find out how to defeat such a strong man. So, the king summoned Samson to his court to meet him.
At that meeting, Samson discovers Delilah’s gorgeous sister, Semadar, played by Angela Lansbury. So a love triangle ensues: Delilah loves Samson, but Samson loves Semadar (Lansbury). To complicate matters I discovered the Oscar-winning movie when I was 8-years old, and I too fell in love with the sexy blonde Semadar.
I don’t think I really understood the difference between actresses and the characters on the screen, but Semadar was the first woman I ever noticed as a sex object. I wasn’t wise enough to imagine her naked or anything like that but she sparked a “feeling” that was new to me. She made my mind drool.
All of that was complicated by the fact that one of my distant relatives was the manager of the movie theater, so he let me and my close friends into the movie for free. I spent one entire weekend in the theater adoring Semadar. I think I watched that fateful movie and the eye-popping beauty eight times altogether.
Many years later, the movie came on TV one night and I was anxious to see who it was that played Semadar. As it turned out it was Angela Lansbury of Murder She wrote. By then Lansbury was 60ish and still very attractive. As I write this, Lansbury is about 85 and still alive.
In fact, this article has prompted me to look up a couple of Lansbury’s fan clubs on line. This morning I sent her a request for a signed picture. This is the only time I have ever done anything like that. It will be a double-hoot if I do indeed get a signed picture from the Octogenarian. If so, I wonder if it will make my wife jealous.at age 24
A bunch of Lansbury pictures
Drop by my other blog
I have been married nearly 40 years now, and I dearly love my wife, but even an old-timer like me likes to hang on to the exciting memories from the good old days. Today, I caught myself thinking about my earlier loves. Claudia was the first.Claudia was a very cute blonde: Petite and sorta giggly. About 17 years ago I saw Claudia again. At the time, I was hosting a booth at a home and garden show. I was a Realtor with ReMax. I had a big inflated balloon behind me. I also displayed several signs with my name on them and some others that encouraged passers-by to stop and discuss their real estate questions.Then a short, fortyish, blonde stepped up and asked, “Are you Dave Thyfault?” She was accompanied by a teenager, presumably a daughter. I assumed the woman knew me from some of my marketing material, so I confirmed her suspicion. Then she shocked me when she said, “I am Claudia W.” (last name withheld to protect the guilty)I didn’t know what to say, but I have to admit I was a bit excited. I said “Claudia!?” (What an idiot, she just told me that!) Anyway, we said hello again, and I told her I was shocked she still remembered my name. Her exact reply is vividly in my mind, “A girl remembers the men in her life" she replied.Her teenaged companion looked at her and then looked at me. Then she looked back at her mother and yelped something like, “EEEEEEEW”.It was nice to see Claudia again. The last time we had seen each other we were 7-years old and in the second grade. We never kissed or held hands or anything like that, but we definitely had a crush on each other.
More "juicy" stories to follow.
Be sure to visit my other blog about Family Finances
If you are like me, you believe that our country’s dependency on foreign oil is dangerous. An enemy could surely bring us to our collective knees if that supply were to be cut off. I have also wondered why we don’t develop the resources we have in Alaska or off the three coasts. And, then there are those other ideas about conservation and developing worthwhile alternative fuels. Well, it simply got to the point where I decided to do a little research and get my own answers. Here are some interesting things I learned.
• According to The US Energy Information Administration, our county consumes more than seven-billion barrels of oil each year. That means each one of us (man, woman and child) consumes approximately 20 barrels of oil each year.
• Each of those barrels is 42 gallons and when refined produces 20 gallons of gasoline plus additional petroleum products. Therefore our typical tank of gas (about 15 gallons) requires approximately 30 gallons of crude oil.
• When you hear politicians suggest that we buy the bulk of our oil “from countries who do not like us very much” they are twisting the truth. For starters, we actually generate about 40% of our own oil. Of our imported oil, we get the most from Canada. After that, 4 other countries each send us about the same amount. They are Mexico, Saudi Arabia, Venezuela and Africa. We get along fairly well with our primary suppliers with the exception of Venezuela. However, most of this conversation is a mute point because we never really know exactly whose oil we are buying. It is all a part of the same commodities market. So the fact that we get most of our imported oil from Canada and Mexico is mostly a matter of shipping costs. But the basic point is refuted because we get most of our oil from ourselves and relatively good friends. In another odd twist, we actually export some of our own Alaskan oil to Taiwan, China, Japan and South Korea
• Various batches of crude oil get mixed at refineries and during shipping. The same goes for batches of refined gas. Therefore the gasoline sold at a particular gas station is not necessarily refined by that same company.
• The US has plenty more untapped oil. If we continue to import 60% of our oil, we have a 25-year supply from oil sands, which is what we get from Canada; and, we have an additional 30-year supply in the Outer Continental shelf (OTC); and we have about a 4-year supply in Alaska.
• It was wrongly reported by Dr. Leigh Price, in a study in year 2000, that there may be as much a 400-billion barrels of “potential resources” in an area in North Dakota and Montana known as the Bakken Formation. New studies by U. S. Geological Survey reveal the actual number of recoverable barrels is closer to several billion. There is also nearly two-trillion cubic feet of natural gas and 148 million barrels of natural gas liquids. All of that is available right now.
• Terriadaily is among those wrongly suggesting there may be as many as 1.2 TRILLION barrels of oil hiding in shale in Colorado, Wyoming and Utah in an area known as Green River Basin. Other people have suggested there is enough potential product in the area to provide for the US oil market for at least 100 years. However, those estimates appear to be wildly exaggerated. In fact an article by Fact Check which also references studies by Snopes, have the available oil way, way lower (interestingly, both Fact Check and Snopes are challenged in a readers comment at the end of the article). There is a bit of good news in the mix. It has been speculated that one-million barrels per day might be retrievable in twenty-years, but that is still only 365-million barrels per year or 7% of what we use. Until more studies are completed there is no reason to expect much more from these fields.
As I see it, we have a hand-full of primary options or any blend of them:
1) If we remain on the same path, we will be desperately low of oil in about 20 years. However, if we develop our currently known resources that remain untapped, our supplies will last at least 50 years. But either of these choices leave us vulnerable to the whims of other countries as we continue to send enormous amounts of our money to them.
2) If we are willing to reduce our percentage of imported oil from 60% to 25% we have enough for 30 years. In this case we can eliminate all of our suppliers, except for Canada whom we clearly consider our friends.
3) If we want to rely exclusively on our own oil, we have only enough for about 20 years. It would take at least 5 years to get wells pumping and refineries constructed.
4) Technology could improve and make the Bakken or Green River Basin, more productive.
5) The US has substantial amounts of natural gas. If we can build a good distribution system and exploit this fuel we could indeed become energy independent for 100 years or more.
The bottom line is we do not have to be dependent on foreign energy forever. By developing these sources and alternate sources of energy we can avoid the other suppliers or at least force them to lower their prices.
Good article about untapped reserve. Listen to this podcast by USGS about Bakken reservesWikipedia has good stats about BakkenWe have 100 years of natural gas in LouisianaIt is getting easier to process shale.
comment below
visit my other bog about finances
Greetings,
I have just completed writing a book about family finances and I am looking for a couple of people who would like to read some or all of it as amateur critics.
There are 44 brief chapters, each one consisting of approximately 3-4 typed pages.
The book is broken into 3 sections:
1) The first section is about the PAST and the Worst Things on Which We Waste Our Money, sometime without even knowing it.
2) The second section is about the PRESENT – things you can do right now to improve your financial status both immediately and in the long-term.
3) The FUTURE addresses the financial implications of the things that come up from time to time, like getting married, buying cars, applying for new jobs, renting apartments, and traveling.
Here are a few things you will learn:
1) How saving just $4 per day, out of the money you are now wasting, can generate $465,000 for your retirement
2) Why every dollar you spend has a FOREVER interest expense attached to it
3) Who is looking inside your credit report without your permission
4) Is college really worth the money
5) Why you should always have some sort of self-employment project (working on computer, writing a book, making calendars, part-time maintenance company, travel expert, recipe tester etc.)
6) The best ways to lay out budgets and follow them
7) How to deal with bankruptcy, foreclosure or restructuring debt
8) How much it costs to raise a child or own pets
9) The two “hidden” expenses to everything you buy
10) How to get more money at job interviews and how to get raises
11) A very simple three-step program to take you to financial security and wealth
12) 32 advanced credit strategies that will take your credit score to elite status and help you qualify for loans with the lowest possible interest rates
I am looking for constructive recommendations. Things like “this section is too wordy” or “you have said that too many times” or “I had to read this section 3 times before I really understood what you were trying to say” or “Why didn’t you talk about ____” . or “this idea needs more development” or “this is improper grammar” etc.
If you would like to read one or more sections, let me know and I will send you a zipped copy.
Dave@UncleDavesRealEstate.com
