As I write this, it is twenty minutes prior to the half-hour before the afternoon of Thanksgiving Eve. Tomorrow is a day for overindulgence. Like most Americans, I will eat too much, take a nap and watch a ton of football. I will gather with the same people as last year and the year before that and the year before that. I like it that way. Everything will be just right. My greatest pleasure will come later in the day.
Somewhere along the way we will deep fry a few smaller turkeys and someone will say how much they like leftovers. (some recipes) Suddenly, as if on cue, the trap has sprung. It tastes as sugary-sweet to me as that first bite of yams and marshmallows. That comment is my opportunity to launch into my usual rant. I like to expose the lie.
My controversial proposition is that nobody really wants left-over turkey, they just think they do. I could only find a few people who agreed with me. God have mercy on any newcomer that might suggest otherwise. My unsuspecting victim will predictably defend the common belief and say something like, “I have always liked left over turkey sandwiches.” Then I circle my prey and move in for the kill. He is “my” turkey for the day.
I probe, “Have you ever cooked a turkey and then put it in the frig for a couple of days so that it could age a bit, like a side of beef, before you ate it?” It is at this time that the victim realizes he is waist-deep in some sort of Turkey-day quicksand. As he attempts to gather his day-old thoughts I notice his enlarged eyes nearly pleading for mercy.
It is at that moment that my dupe becomes a tasty side dish to me: his primary purpose is to appease my insatiable argumentative appetite. Before he gets a chance to gather his giblets, I hit him with my cranberry clincher, “Have you ever gone to a restaurant and told them you don’t want today’s fresh turkey, and to bring you yesterday’s left-over turkey instead?” I feel so naughty because it is woefully unfair to lure those of inferior intellect into my menacing trap. Ha, ha, ha, ha. I know the answer to my cleverly worded question and the dressing-headed victim knows that I know he is my slice of pumpkin pie. Yum!
Naturally, he has never done anything to seek out left-over turkey. The truth of the matter is it takes a lot of work to prepare a thanksgiving feast and after it is over there is a natural desire to kick back. Since there is a pile of the dead bird hanging around and there is a carcass that can be converted into some turkey noodle soup or a casserole, it just makes sense to use it. In some families they eat leftover turkey for nearly a week. By then, they must hate it. So, I contend that we tolerate left-over turkey but we don’t like it enough to pursue it.
If you buy into my basic point I suggest from now on you buy 3 or 4 small turkeys (say 10-12 pounds or so) when they are on sale and freeze them. Then when you bake a turkey invite a friend over and finish it off in one meal or two. That way you won’t tire of it and you will enjoy fresh turkey rather than that day-old, leftover, dried out, old-hat, I wish I wouldn’t have bought this monster fowl kind of turkey. I rest my case.
ps. It was Bob
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2 comments:
then what happens to the big turkeys? Do they get to live until they die of natural causes? Will turkeys start eating too much during the summer to bulk up and avoid the chopping block?
I like leftover turkey, I enjoy a turkey salad sandwich or a turkey pot pie, but I'm too scared of food poisoning to eat it more than a day later, fresh turkey goes bad rather quickly - one must use it right away.
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