Oscar meets Myles

Have you ever wondered what it's like to be a dog? Well, this piece I wrote for my murder mystery book might shed some light on the topic. I'm not real sure I'll keep it in but it is a little different so I thought I'd share it here. Perhaps you'll enjoy it.

THEY CALL ME OSCAR

I was licking my balls when I first heard it.

Thump. Thump. Creak. .

Something was on the front porch.

I looked at the kid. Nope. He hadn’t heard it.

But someone was there all right. I stood at attention and yelled my loudest.

“Oscar,” the boy shouted, “Your barking is…”

Louder they came. Thump. Thump. Thump.

Stupid humans can’t hear anything.

Then, the doorbell rang.

I knew it. I knew it. A stranger was here. I bolted for the door, sliding the final few feet on the polished floor. Then, I ran round and round in quick circles.

Fortunately, Butch, my friend from next door, joined in. He must have been at his fence, probably on his hind legs.

The kid stood up, headed my way. Finally! Our pack was united. Determined to do my part, I screamed so hard I almost lost my voice.

Then, all of a sudden, the stupid boy grabbed my collar, yanked me backwards, as if I was the one causing all the trouble, “Damn it Oscar, get back.”

Why the hell was he choking me? We’re supposed to be on the same team.

I had to overcome his stupidity. I tugged and yapped with all my might.

“Come in.”

The door knob jiggled.

Holly Lassie crap, we were being invaded.

Then it happened, the intruder opened the door and seized some of our space. That was the final straw. I went for him.

“Oscar. Get back, boy. It’s okay.”

The trespasser held steady. He must have sensed I meant business. I sniffed the air. Nothing unusual. My throat was throbbing.

“Oscar, GET BACK!”

I let the kid think he was the boss. I sat. I sniffed. I watched. I let my neighbor know I had it under control.

Then the intruder extended his hand toward the kid, “Hi, I’m Myles. You must be Stump.”

“Yeah. Hello.”

“Can I pet the dog?”

“Sure.”

The stranger squatted to my level. I got a good look at him. Seemed friendly enough. His hand came slowly at me. A good sign.

Then it happened, he scratched that spot right behind my left ear that I can never quite get. He was off to a great start.

“Hi there, Oscar. How you doin’, huh, boy?”

I like it when they talk to me, but that’s not enough. I flopped on my side, spread my legs, to see if he knew what I really wanted. He did. He scratched my belly. I had him right where I wanted him. I wagged my tail to let him know he was on the right track. There was one final test, the big one. I wanted to find out if he would go “all the way”, sniff each other’s crotches?

I waited for the big fella to stand up, then, I leaned in and took a good whiff. Humans smell so weird. Kinda like flowers.

It was his turn. I was proud of how I smelled down there. I waited. I waited. I waited. But he took too long. Must have been playing “hard to get”. Too bad for him. Maybe next time.

I decided not to hold his apprehension against him. I was satisfied. Wagged my tail. Welcomed him into the pack.

I wondered if he knows how to play catch.