The Great Thanksgiving Lie

"I Like Left-Over Turkey"

As I write this, it is twenty minutes prior to the half-hour before the afternoon of Thanksgiving Eve. Tomorrow is a day for overindulgence. Like most Americans, I will eat too much, take a nap and watch a ton of football. I will gather with the same people as last year and the year before that and the year before that. I like it that way. Everything will be just right. My greatest pleasure will come later in the day.

Somewhere along the way we will deep fry a few smaller turkeys and someone will say how much they like leftovers. (some recipes) Suddenly, as if on cue, the trap has sprung. It tastes as sugary-sweet to me as that first bite of yams and marshmallows. That comment is my opportunity to launch into my usual rant. I like to expose the lie.

My controversial proposition is that nobody really wants left-over turkey, they just think they do. I could only find a few people who agreed with me. God have mercy on any newcomer that might suggest otherwise. My unsuspecting victim will predictably defend the common belief and say something like, “I have always liked left over turkey sandwiches.” Then I circle my prey and move in for the kill. He is “my” turkey for the day.

I probe, “Have you ever cooked a turkey and then put it in the frig for a couple of days so that it could age a bit, like a side of beef, before you ate it?” It is at this time that the victim realizes he is waist-deep in some sort of Turkey-day quicksand. As he attempts to gather his day-old thoughts I notice his enlarged eyes nearly pleading for mercy.

It is at that moment that my dupe becomes a tasty side dish to me: his primary purpose is to appease my insatiable argumentative appetite. Before he gets a chance to gather his giblets, I hit him with my cranberry clincher, “Have you ever gone to a restaurant and told them you don’t want today’s fresh turkey, and to bring you yesterday’s left-over turkey instead?” I feel so naughty because it is woefully unfair to lure those of inferior intellect into my menacing trap. Ha, ha, ha, ha. I know the answer to my cleverly worded question and the dressing-headed victim knows that I know he is my slice of pumpkin pie. Yum!

Naturally, he has never done anything to seek out left-over turkey. The truth of the matter is it takes a lot of work to prepare a thanksgiving feast and after it is over there is a natural desire to kick back. Since there is a pile of the dead bird hanging around and there is a carcass that can be converted into some turkey noodle soup or a casserole, it just makes sense to use it. In some families they eat leftover turkey for nearly a week. By then, they must hate it. So, I contend that we tolerate left-over turkey but we don’t like it enough to pursue it.

If you buy into my basic point I suggest from now on you buy 3 or 4 small turkeys (say 10-12 pounds or so) when they are on sale and freeze them. Then when you bake a turkey invite a friend over and finish it off in one meal or two. That way you won’t tire of it and you will enjoy fresh turkey rather than that day-old, leftover, dried out, old-hat, I wish I wouldn’t have bought this monster fowl kind of turkey. I rest my case.

ps. It was Bob

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Thanksgiving Tradition: Xtreme Gluttony

Several decades ago Patty and I began sharing Turkey day with her parents, at their mountain home, along with Patty’s sister, Mary Ann, and her husband, Dusty. Ordinarily the six of us were accompanied by a canine or two and a wonderful tradition was underway.

Over the years, a few new kids showed up; five in fact. Once in a while a stray friend or relative would join in, but the core group repeated that pattern or a reasonable facsimile of it nearly every year.

Patty’s parents actually built the home themselves, and they included a floor-to-ceiling moss-rock fireplace in the living room. We stuffed it with firewood from their own land, and enjoyed a most-comfy setting. Like most other families, we feasted to the belt-bustin’ stage. Throw in a few football games and all of that added up to my favorite holiday.

A typical meal would include a turkey the size of a VW bug, (see 22 footer) as well as all of the trimmin’s, which included several favorite family recopies, much like those at Serious Eats. Oh yeah, there was also two or three different pies and enough whip cream to fulfill all of the fantasies of every man woman and child on the planet. (Insert your fantasy in comments section below) Ah, the good ol’ days.

Naturally, that meal did not just materialize out of thin air. Somebody had to do a lot of work and I will admit that I did not quite do my fair share. Oh hell, let’s be honest here: The women did it all!!!... I just showed up and enjoyed the fruits of their labor.

As the family grew, so did the demands. Sometimes new dishes were introduced, and on other occasions the women just made more of the old favorites. Either way was fine with me. Once in a while I waddled over to the wood pile and retrieved a log to add to the fire, or I might have strained myself by changing channels on the TV from one game to another, but overall, I was one of several kings in that splendid little mountain home.

Eventually, some of the working-class folks came to their collective senses. I actually overheard one of the more boisterous complainers suggest that it would be nice to have a little extra help from some of the lazy people (who could that be?) who seemed to be unable to locate the kitchen when there was work to do. However, and fortunately for me, the kitchen in that humble home was not designed for a herd of cooks so the comment was more of a feigned complaint than a practical solution to a legitimate problem. Still, the sentiment of the remark could not be ignored, even by the most selfish among us: Me.

Since I had been the beneficiary of other people’s efforts for quite a few years, some pent-up guilt grabbed my ill-prepared tongue. Without sufficient forethought I quipped, “I will be happy to take care of the entire dinner next year.” A shock wave that surely measured a solid seven on the Richter Scale, enveloped the ears of those who knew that my chance of pulling that off was about as likely as me becoming the first pregnant male. Unable to hide the sarcasm, one of the usual chefs demanded to know just how I would propose to accomplish such a monumental task.

Finding myself backed into a self-imposed corner, I demanded of my mind that it quickly make up something credible that would get me out of my most uncomfortable predicament. Suddenly the great Turkey God sent me a special blessing for which I have been forever grateful ever since. Without so much as missing one swirl in a bowl of mashed potatoes I said, “Simple, I will just go to Boston Market and buy enough food for all of us and nobody will have to do much of anything.” Ah what a stroke of brilliance!

The complainer, so very proud of all of her favorite T-Day dishes, promptly retorted that the holiday would not be the same with “store-bought love”. Whew! That declaration revealed a weakness in my adversary’s game-plan: Namely, the tradition was more important to her than escaping the work-load.

Knowing her weakness, and realizing that my next comment might determine the format of all future feasts, I hit her with my knock-out punch, “Look, nobody said we have to have all of those specific dishes or that anybody in particular has to take responsibility for the ordeal. I never tell you how to do it, but if you want me to do it, at least let me do it my way.”

“That just wouldn’t be the same.”

And that guaranteed that things would go on “as usual” until further notice.

As the years ticked by, Patty’s dad passed on and her mom could not keep up with the lifestyle of living in the mountains. Most of the grandkids got married and a new generation of youngins has joined the mix. That means a few more friends get invited and there is still a pack of dogs to attend.

For the last few years we have moved the gathering to Adam’s home, which is much better suited to a clan of this size. The good news is we have changed one primary tradition. I buy an entire flock of small turkeys and the fellows deep-fry them, along with any other crazy concoctions they dream up. But I am happy to report that tradition, gluttony, pumpkin pie with lots of whip cream, and football still play a prominent role.

I love Thanksgiving.

What about you?

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Your Role in the Health Care Crisis

In my most recent article (scroll down, below this one), we explored whether the recent recommendations that women cut back on mammograms and pap smears make sense; and, if that philosophical shift is the beginning of healthcare rationing. On the first matter, I interviewed an expert on the topic and sided with her when she suggested that women take too many unnecessary tests. Regarding the issue about rationing, it is easy to be suspicious, but it is too early to make that assertion without some hard evidence.

Following that post, I received several emails on the topic and other people left interesting “comments” at the end of the main article. There was a broad range of ideas among the group, but the underlying theme is we are all dissatisfied. The most fascinating fact is there was never any discussion of the Obama healthcare bill currently on the table. The collective silence about that matter was deafening.

What I gathered from all of this is everybody dislikes something about the healthcare system. Let’s see who the biggest culprits are.

Doctors: One hundred years ago doctors did not have to go to college, just medical school. They made house calls, they accepted chickens and other insignificant items as payment for their services, and they were considered to be ordinary members of the community: certainly not entitled to a life of luxury.

All of that changed over time, but especially beginning in the 80’s as health insurance became common. When that happened, the public stopped worrying about the cost of their doctor’s bills because they believed that somebody else was paying the freight. Once the shackles were removed from the public’s ability to pay for medical treatments, the doctors were free to charge as much as the deeper pockets of the insurance companies would pay.

Now waiting rooms are packed and it seems like the employees at the doctors’ offices are more concerned with who our insurance company is than what our ailments are.

This concept has worked so well for physicians that other professionals such as dentists, veterinarians and chiropractors have employed similar concepts

Hospitals and other care givers: Naturally, the hospitals have jumped on the insurance band wagon. Their employees, along with suppliers of drugs and other goods and services have also ended up on-board. They are all able to make a better living because of the insurance arrangement than they would in a more competitive system where consumers pay for services themselves.

Insurance companies: Color this industry paradoxical. While it may seem like they are doing us a big favor as they pay our expensive medical bills, the truth is they are actually stealing even more money out of our purses. Their feigned attempts to control medical costs are nothing more than sophisticated distraction from the reality that the higher prices climb, the more they make. While insurance industry profit margins may be only 6%, would you imagine they would rather make 6% of two-million dollars or 6% of one-million dollars? So in the short term they may put on a dog and pony show about cutting costs, but in the bigger picture, quite the opposite is true.

Finally, consider this. The insurance companies have to take in more money than they pay out in claims, and all other expenses, or they could not stay in business. Therefore, we pay more for premiums than all of the actual costs of medical services combined. We would be better off financially without the insurance companies, even if prices stayed the same. But if there were no insurance companies then prices would drop because doctors, care givers, suppliers and all of the others would have to compete for the business.

Seniors: We all feel compassion for seniors and we want them to enjoy a dignified life style in their later years, but there is a dirty little secret. The seniors of today (65 and over) have been exploiting the kindness of others for years. They have lived through the most prosperous decades known to man kind but far too few of them prepared financially for their golden years. Regardless of their irresponsible behavior, they have played on the sympathy of the rest of us and managed to obtain generally comparable medical care to what we buy for ourselves. According to The Commonwealth Fund, Medicare was a fairly successful program in 2005 and the Obama Administration says they are committed to making it even better. The sentiment cannot be denied.

Since most seniors are retired, they have the time to write their Representatives and make demands. Those are not empty threats either, because a high percentage of seniors also vote. All of that could have been avoided if seniors had done a better job preparing for retirement, or if they relied upon their families or charities to help them, rather than the government. That way most of the waste would be cut out of their spending.

Illegal immigrants: It is no secret that millions of these people have come to this country just to have babies. Unsurprisingly, very few of them have the resources to pay their own medical expenses for child birth or anything else. Therefore, the services are provided and the expenses are passed along to the rest of us in the form of higher health insurance premiums. The problem is both widespread and local.California alone spends nine-billion dollars per year on this group and we all know where that has gotten them. We could explore the other financial implications of their visits, but that is a topic for another day.

Congress: Since most national politicians are more interested in getting reelected than they are in doing what is right, they keep stealing Other People’s Money in various ways and throwing it at the seniors’ medical needs, in exchange for their votes. Together these “entitlement” programs have cost us trillions of dollars.

Furthermore, the Congress lends little more than lip service to the illegal immigrant issues, which could be resolved in a responsible way without hurting anybody who is willing to take some responsibility. Even I can come up with a sensible way to address the matter. (More on this in a future article.) But in the mean time an irresponsible congress turns a blind eye to a problem the rest of us see so clearly.

The public: While we, the people, are the screwees in all of this, we are not without our share of the blame. For starters, we don’t have the backbone to stand up to any of the folks who are exploiting the system. Furthermore, many of us invade the doctor’s office at the first hint of a sore throat or a headache. We rationalize our behavior by telling ourselves that we might as well get some value out of all of those high insurance premiums we pay. Most members of group-plans are not exempt from this discussion (this too is for a future article.) As expected, the doctors don’t do anything to discourage us from visiting them for such minor issues. We rarely question the bill because it gets passed on to the insurance company, from whom any resistance is insincere for reasons previously mentioned.

When we take an overview like this, we can see that our health care system and the related insurance programs, both private and public, are fraught with dubious motives. There are so many people sticking their fingers in the “I care about you” pie, that we are flushing away valuable resources, which could provide these services in a much more cost-effective way: Namely the free enterprise system. But, since too few of us plan ahead, and newspapers love to exploit sad stories about those who are left out, soft-hearted do-gooders will always be willing to subsidize the irresponsible behavior with tax payer’s money.

To their credit, the Obama Administration has recognized these problems and they have embarked on a journey to do something about it. Good for them! The problem is they are doing the exact wrong thing. The last thing the bloated pig needs is more government waste. I might lend them the benefit of the doubt if they fixed the Social Security System, Medicare and Medicaid first. At least then they would have credibility. But only a moron would believe that we can insure another fifty-million people without cutting back on services and raising expenses on those of us who actually pay the bill.

What say you?

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