Sizing Up The Ladies

When it comes to sizes, women are even more interesting than men. I say “interesting” because a certain fellow, of a 40-year marriage, has learned not to criticize the fairer sex. It is far wiser to tell them they are ‘interesting”

Okay, now that I have set myself up for an extended trip to the proverbial dog house, I might as well speak my mind. Here it is. The oddities in female clothing nearly all point to one thing: Female vanity. There I said it.

If you have read my previous post (scroll down) about male sizes, you remember that we ended by discussing feet and shoe sizes, so that is a good place to begin the discussion of the feminine gender, their vanity and their attire. Let’s pick up where we left off: Shoes.

Imagine a man and a woman who have the exact same size foot and they can wear each other’s shoes. If you peak inside his shoe and notice it is a size 9, her size is 7 ½. Now how do you explain that with anything other than female vanity?

Note: Fun foot facts: 1) 90% of women wear the wrong size shoe 2) The largest size man’s shoe has been a size 37. 3) High heels make your feet look smaller. (Perhaps the previous fellow should have tried that)

Now let’s examine dress sizes. When I decided to write this article, I asked five women what they thought the ideal measurements for women are. When I averaged them out, then rounded off to the nearest whole number, the ladies told me the ideal female measurements are 35-23-35. My sister, Carol, said the ideal waist size is a 19, so she brought the average down, but she was 67 years old at the time, and that certainly qualified her to have her own opinion.

Then I asked several guys the same question. They thought the ideal size for women’s breasts was somewhere around a 46. As long as we were willing to discuss boobs like that they were too giddy to waste time discussing the waist or hips. But, I must stay on topic.

If you will allow me to examine the ideal female body, as my lady friends identified it, I would argue that her dress size ought to reflect one of the three primary measurements: In this case 35, 23, 35. What could be any easier than that? If you go by the breasts or hips, her dress would be a size 35; or if you went by the waist size, she would wear a size 23; or if we added them all up, she would wear a size 93. Even though that would make perfect sense, I cannot imagine any woman, especially one with “an ideal body” who would want to don a dress, sized 93!!!

Regardless of all of the careful measurements, none of that is good enough to identify dress sizes. For reasons only known to secret intellectuals of generations gone by, somebody in the faded pages of history decided that the dress that fits the average size woman is a 10, not a 93, as logic would suggest.

Once again this attracts the indisputable accusation of female vanity. In fact according to the Seattle Times women are even willing to pay more for clothes that are inaccurately labeled. They call it “Vanity sizing”.

The average sized woman wears a dress sized 10, but the average size man wears a suit, size 40. WE'RE NOT FOUR TIMES AS BIG! If the average sized man was really four times as big as the average sized woman, then when they go out on a date they would look a lot like the charming couple in this picture.



That might work out fine for a dinner date, but it would probably mean couples would never go bowling or dancing.

Do you still need more proof? The smallest size man's suit, before he has to shop in the boys department, is usually a size 32; but, the smallest size pants, before a smallish woman shops in the girls department, is size 0….. ZERO? ZERO? How the heck can anybody be a size zero? Zero equals nothing! She is certainly a heck of a lot more than that!

If women are going to refer to themselves by the sizes as indicated, why does anybody even bother identifying their measurements in the first place? I guess it is so the giddy guys will have a civilized way to refer to their upper body parts. I suppose it is possible that some of the more “interesting” ladies don’t like it when college guys say magumbos, sweater stretchers, milk pillows, mama’s melons, 4 hands-full, fun bags, big Berthas, B1 & B2, bumpers, coconuts, Thelma and Louise, the girls, mosquito bites, Lavern and Shirley, Winnebagos, Volvos or any one of a hundred other nick-names.

That seems unfair to me. If women want to distort the truth, why should the fellows be held to high standards?

Next up! The undies!

What say you?

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If Sizes Made Sense

Have you ever considered how we measure things? There are some interesting observations in sizes, distances, weight and so forth; so much in fact, I am going to have to spread it out over several articles. The first one is about Men’s clothing sizes. Let’s see if you find this as amusing as I do.

To get things rolling, let me stick my neck out and measure it. It is a size 16. Okay! Fair enough! But when I put my hat on, things start getting weird. Many fellows prefer those baseball style caps in which one-size-fits-all, but other types of hats are fitted. In my case, I once needed the correct sized football helmet. That was when I found out my hat size is a 7 3/8.

When you think about neck and hat sizes together, they don’t make sense. If my head size is a 7 3/8 and my neck size is a 16, my head should be only half the size of my neck. I actually measured an orange and it is about 7 ½ inches in circumference. Therefore that is how big my head would be “if sizes made sense”. That would sure make it a lot easier to get my T-shirts on and off.



Since my head is bigger than my neck, my head size should be bigger than my neck size. I measured my head the same way one measures a neck, and my head is actually 23 inches around the crown. Therefore, “if sizes made sense” that would be my hat size. The Village Hat Shop is willing to explain how to measure your head for a hat size, but it is stupid if you ask me.This is one of the first things I would change when it comes to men’s sizes.

Another oddity in men’s sizes is found on the other end of our body: the feet. As difficult as it is to believe, I really don’t know what size my foot is. I can tell you that it is fairly wide and I am flatfooted. Some shoes come in several widths but others are less accommodating. That means certain shoes that are wide enough for me, tend to be too long; and shoes that are of the correct length tend to be too cramped. After all of that is taken into consideration, my tennis shoe is a size 10 ½.

Socks are more interesting. They are usually designed to fit a wide range of feet. I guess they are adjustable in their own way. But unlike hats, they have no legitimate way to adjust them, so the consumer is left to his own devises to make ‘em fit.

Hanes and other manufacturers actually have socks that fit sizes six through twelve. That is dumb. The guy who has a size-six foot must have an extra inch of sock jammed into the toe of his shoe, which means he should buy a bigger shoe just to get all of the extra sock in there. Or, to get the toe end to fit, he has to pull the tops up to his knees.

On the other hand, the fellow with a size-twelve foot must feel like he is squeezing it into some sort of ridiculously tight sock-girdle. He trains his toes to become contortionists so they can squeeze into a receptacle that is way too small. When he does finally get the socks on, they must be constantly seeking a less stretched-out position. If you see big guys pulling their socks up quite a bit, now you will know why.

If you will allow me to digress for a moment, I can’t help but wonder if the guys who live with extra room in their socks probably also where boxer shorts while the guys who don’t mind cramped quarters would probably be more willing to wear briefs, or “tighty whities” as some people refer to them.

Getting back to socks, the sock that fits me best is a size 12. How do we explain that, given the fact that my shoe is a size 10 ½? Since we are talking about the same foot here, shouldn’t both sizes be the same? Or, the sock should be a smaller size since it goes on first, and then the bigger item, the shoe, could be a slightly larger size. But that is not how things are.

“If sizes made sense” I would put my size 10 ½ shoe on first and then put my size 12 sock on over the shoe. That might look ridiculous but at least it would be orderly.



Considering how the manufacturers try to make one size fit all, and there are so few special sock styles, I am surprised you do not hear more about custom made socks, If you want to see just what is possible with these little foot cases, check out the Sock Guy. He has some really cool custom made socks that will make you want to remove your shoes everywhere you go, just so you can show off.

Don’t think I have overlooked the ladies. Women’s sizes are even more interesting. We will talk about them next time.

Comments?

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Soul to Soul

Before she retired, she devoted 30 years of her life to treating cancer patients. The latter half of that impressive run was as the Chief Technologist at a highly regarded hospital. She was the only person in her state’s history to ever elevate a radiation therapy department to the professional level necessary to earn a Certification from the uppity American College of Radiology.

Prior to issuing the Certificate, the college authorities assigned inspectors to spend days in her department. They investigated everything. No detail was overlooked. All of her policy manuals were scrutinized and discussed. They checked for cleanliness, professionalism, billing procedures, goals, procedures and more.

The support staff she assembled was exemplary. They were trained in all of the latest types of treatments. There were experts at chemotherapy, implants and radiation therapy. She had her own physicist whose job it was to recalibrate the machines every day to insure the most accurate radiation treatments possible. They were all superbly trained, educated, experienced and skilled.

As exceptional as all of that was, this petite woman demanded even more of herself and her staff. Merely treating patients was not enough. There had to be one more important ingredient in “her” department. Compassion was essential. Allowances had to be made for any special needs her patients might have.

She knew that the unfortunate people who are subjected to the unique challenges of cancer are filled with emotion. They are usually elderly, exhausted, frail, confused and afraid. She looked upon their psychological well-being with equal importance as their physical condition. Not surprisingly, she actually bothered to “love” her patients, and they had no doubt about her sincerity. She connected with them “Soul to Soul”.

Her attitudes and philosophies were contagious. She attracted other professionals of similar minds, and together they built a department that was second to none. They received thank you notes, candy, flowers and heart-felt hugs by the hundreds for the kind way “you treated Daddy when he needed your tenderness” or “the way you cheered up my wife every day.” And of course there were the young people who were ill. Her department was God’s gift to them all.

Devotion like that does not go unnoticed. Doctors referred their own patients, friends and families to her distinguished department. Then one day she received a call from a famous TV star who was in need of her services. His doctor knew the best place to send him. Like so many other patients, the actor had a special problem. He was well-known so if he obtained treatments during normal office hours the press would get wind of it and distract the public from his work.

She handled it perfectly. She set up an early-dawn meeting with the actor and laid out a plan which she had devised especially for him. She established an “alias” file and referred to him as “Mr. Nelson”. She and her staff came to work an hour and a half early each day for six-weeks to administer his treatments so that he could slip away before the department’s customary office hours. Mr. Nelson’s secret was safe.

She did not make these allowances for Mr. Nelson just because he was actually Raymond Burr (Perry Mason videos). She did it because that is what “Mr. Nelson” truly needed, “Soul to Soul”. They would have done the same thing for anybody who needed such an accommodation. A couple of months later, Mr. Burr showed his appreciation by taking the entire department and their spouses to a luxurious banquet. He also invited his staff and all of the other actors from his then current series (Ironside). Mr. Burr genuinely enjoyed seeing all of his old friends and new friends comingle.

Raymond Burr is not the only famous or powerful person to seek out this special woman. The famous astronaut, Jack Swigert, who was played by Tom Hanks in the movie Apollo 13, also needed her. So did a well known grocer and many others. She also shared inspirational experiences with famous athletes and coaches. They all respected the gifted little woman who barely weighed 110 pounds.

After she retired, a huge void became immediately apparent in that formerly-inspired department. The other techs sought positions in hospitals closer to their homes. The new mangers were competent, but unable to live up to the legacy she left behind. Eventually, the certification came up for renewal and they just couldn’t match her standards, so it silently expired. No other certificates of its kind have ever been awarded in her state.

There is no doubt that this extraordinary woman has inspired many others to reach out and achieve greatness. She accomplished so much because she understood that to convert her dreams into reality she had to employ two other special qualities: Commitment and Action.

Many men and women never do understand the importance of these concepts. We have all imagined accomplishing something, but failed to “commit” to our dreams, so we fall short of our potential. Or there are those times when we see a friend at a party and say something like, “Let’s get together for dinner, sometime.” When they agree we have the commitment, but we never follow through, and that lack of action steals away accomplishments. So, you see inspiration without Commitment and Action is merely fantasy, and this woman was not willing to let her destiny be determined by the whims of incomplete fantasies. As she has shown us all, true achievement requires taking those two additional steps: Commitment and Action.

If you are wondering how I ever learned of such a special woman, I am pleased to say I have been married to her for 39 years. Her name is Patty. Her work is just one of several ways that Patty has been inspiring others throughout her life. She has amazed me over and over again. And I hope now, in some small way, she has also inspired you,

She is top center in the picture. Click on it to enlarge.

Note: The above story was written for a speech I gave at Toastmasters. As I was driving home, afterwards, it occurred to me that we all take too much for granted. Most of us are surrounded by greatness in the everyday people we know and love. This was one of the few times I really took the time to appreciate the woman who has meant so much to me and I am disappointed in myself for that. Patty deserves so much more.

So, all of this leads me to a few questions which I have for you.

Who has inspired you, and deserves your appreciation?

What Commitment are you willing to make to show them your appreciation?

And what Action are you willing to take to assure that your inspiration and commitment are not just parts of a fleeting fantasy?

Your input is welcomed

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